Throughout the years I’ve heard a few people say “Biggie is one of the best hip-hop story tellers ever, if not the greatest”, and all I can do is shake my head. Don’t get me wrong, Biggie’s damn good, but he’s no where near the best when it comes to emotional lyrical illustration. Slug of Atmosphere easily out does almost ever rapper in history when it comes to lyrically depicting a story that captivates the listener to the point where they become legitimately emotionally invested in the song’s characters. It’s one of the many reasons why Slug is a hip-hop legend in my book. This song is off of my favorite Atmosphere album When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold.
…I, too, attracted the emotionally unavailable men! I had to go inward a lot to uncover the “why,” and for me it was familiarity. I grew up without the presence of a loving and strong father, so my “blueprint” for relationships with men was all about trying to fix things that couldn’t be fixed.
The paradox was that out loud I said I wanted an available guy, but deep down I didn’t feel deserving. You see, I finally realized that when a woman truly believes she deserves an emotionally available guy, she doesn’t need to talk about it, she lives it. The wounded guys, the aloof men, the still-attached-to-someone-else guys, the guys trapped in the past of a love that got away, or WHATEVER it is that keeps them from committing - those guys lost their appeal for me. I simply was no longer attracted to those kinds of guys, or if I was, all I had to do was briefly reflect on how that had turned out in the past and the attraction was gone. That was my breakthrough. How did I get there?
Women who attract emotionally unavailable men do so because someone significant failed to stand up for them earlier in life. Someone essential to building a healthy blueprint wasn’t there, or was abusive, or was neglectful. What women in this situation come away with is the deep-down feeling that they are not worthy of a great guy who adores them, that relationships are a struggle.
Why do these guys shut down at some point? Their blueprint for relationships is also damaged. They get scared and run away because they don’t have an inner compass that assures them that they are strong enough to handle the ups and downs of an intimate relationship.